the hand dryer isn't for your ass

Of all things gym related, this is a fringe subject at best.  However, the gym locker room is different than any other locker room anywhere. 

The gym is full of people you don't know.  When you take off your pants in a room full of people you don't know, there is no reason to start a conversation with any of the strangers around you.  In fact, the locker room should be almost completely devoid of conversation.  The exception to this, of course, is if you're in the locker room with a friend.  Friend rules are tricky.  By and large, the safest bet is, if you and your friend will both be showering, pretend you don't know each other.  If only one of you is showering, the conversation should end before anyone is naked.  What dude wants to stand around talking to another naked dude?  Well, straight dudes anyways, I could see the taboo nature of it all getting a gay guy fired up.  At this point gay guys, you do what your heart leads you to do, but understand you could end up being a total douche.  This is all for the locker room/shower portion of the gym.  The only thing I should hear in the shower portion of the gym is running water. The bathroom portion, normal guys bathroom rules apply, pretty straight forward.  But the sink....the sink...and crossing between rooms....

At the sink, it is almost like not being in the locker room.  You wanna have a little conversation there, cool.  Just don't go in depth.  The sink area in the locker room isn't where you have a heart to heart...if men ever enter into that behavior anyways....I am not sure that they do.  The sink is the spot for the smallest of small talk, when necessary.  You can yell from there to a friend who is in the locker room portion, if the two rooms are adjacent.

When going from one part of the locker room to another, keep in mind you're surrounded by strangers, none of whom want to see your ass.  If you're going to take a shower, wrap up in your towel.  You don't have a towel with you you say?  Then you have no business taking a shower at the gym.  The hand dryer is for your f-ing hands dbag, it says HAND dryer right in the name.  If your holding your sack over the hot air making sure your taint is nice and dry, then you sir, are a douche bag.  Hair in the hand dryer being the only possible exception.  And then you only get one turn.  If you're drying your hair in the hand dryer for more than one go around, then you are a douche.

Think of the locker room as a hit, or a bank job.  Get in and get out.  There is no reason to hang around in there.  The TVs are to help you feel less awkward about the lack of conversation.  Don't feel you need to pay attention to what's on them.  Really, pretend the locker room could blow up at any second.  Do you want to hang around in a room that could blow up any second?  Only if you're a total douche bag.

This of course if the men's locker room only.  The ladies locker room is a never never land of wonder and delight....in a guys mind anyways.  In reality, prolly plenty of similar things go on in there as well.  I will never know though because I am not a dbag, so I won't claim I need to do research just to spend time in there.  I think I am going to enjoy my ignorance of & mystery of the ladies locker room and continue to believe that it is full of magical delight, pillow fights, whipcream dreams and making out.